Our Greatest Comfort May Come in Doing Something for Others.
Some people feel they can acknowledge their loss more meaningfully by:
~ giving a gift in memory of their loved one.
~ donating the money we would have spent on our loved one's gift to a meaningful charity.
~ adopting a needy family for the holidays
~ inviting a guest (foreign student, senior citizen - someone who would otherwise be alone) to share your festivities.

OTHER SUGGESTIONS
~ Do as one family does and burn a special candle to quietly include your absent family member.
~ Shopping is definitely easier if you make the entire list out ahead of time.  Then, when one of the "good days" comes along, you can get your shopping done quickly and with less confusion.  Shopping by phone or from catalogs can also help.

Be Intentional About How You Plan Your Holiday.  Examine the events and tasks of the celebration and ask the following questions:
~Have I involved or considered other family members?
~ Do I really enjoy this?  Do other family members enjoy doing this?
~ Is it done out of habit, free choice or obligation?
~ Is this a task that can be shared by other family members?

~ Would the holiday be the same without it?

Evaluate Your Coping Plans:
~ Do your plans isolate you from those you love and support you best?
~ Do your plans allow for meaningful expression and celebration of what the particular holiday means for you?
approach the holiday and the role they can play in supporting you.
you may experience.

Let Your Plans and Limits Be Known
~ Schedule a family meeting in which each person can share his/her feelings.
~ Write or phone friends and family to inform them of any intended changes which would involve them or leave them out.
~ Tell close friends how you plan to approach the holiday and the role they can play in supporting you.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO HAVE FUN
~ Enjoyment, laughter and pleasure are not experiences in which you abandon your loved one.  You have not forgotten them. They would not want you to be forever sad; you need not feel guilty over any enjoyment you may experience.

~ Give yourself and members of your family permission to celebrate and take pleasure in the holiday.