Holidays and Special Days
     Holidays, birthday and other special days are usually times for family gatherings and celebrations.  When we come together for the first time after the death in our family, it can be very difficult.  Our families try to protect us in the best way they can, but it can still hurt.  How can we cope?  How can we as grieving people handle these times in a realistic and effective way?  The following guidelines are shared in the hope that they will be helpful to you in thinking about and planning for the holidays and other special family days.
     Grieving people have definite limitations; we do not function at normal capacity.  Therefore, we must reevaluate our priorities and decide what is really meaningful for ourselves and our families.

Know When Your Holidays Are
     Holidays are not just at Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas or New Year's; holidays are those times when family and friends get together for fun.  It may or may not be associated with one of the traditional days of celebration.
~ Mark on your calendar the months during the year which your family's holidays occur.
~ Begin early to plan your coping strategies.

Decide What You Can Handle Comfortably and let these needs be known to family, friends and relatives.
~ whether or not to talk about your loved one openly
~ whether we can handle the responsibility of the family dinner, holiday parties, etc. or if we wish someone else to take over some of these traditions this year.
~ whether we will stay here for the holidays or choose to "run away" to a totally different holiday environment this year.

One Resource in Holiday Planning Can Be a List to be drawn up and discussed by all family members of things to be done in preparing for the holidays.  In this way priorities can be set, some tasks can be shared, some eliminated and plans made to accomplish those things considered essential.  This sharing can demonstrate a recognition of and respect for each family member's values.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE CHANGES
IT CAN REALLY MAKE THINGS LESS PAINFUL.
~ Open holiday presents the night before instead of in the morning.
~ Have dinner at a different time.
~ Attend a different church for your holiday services
~ Let the children take over decorating the tree, making cookies, etc.